COUPLES THERAPY SERVICES

What do you real­ly want from cou­ples ther­a­py?  If your rela­tion­ship prob­lems were solved, if the pain was gone, would you have more inti­ma­cy?  More fun? More love?  More inner peace?

I offer a way, using the Gottman Method of Cou­ples Ther­a­py, to
show you how to…

• Fos­ter respect, affec­tion and closeness
• Keep con­flict dis­cus­sions calm
• Build and share a deep­er connection
• Break through and resolve con­flict gridlock
• Strength­en and main­tain lov­ing growth in your relationship

The Gottman Method of Cou­ples Ther­a­py is based on sci­en­tif­ic research for improv­ing rela­tion­ship com­mu­ni­ca­tions.   I was drawn to this way of work­ing because it offered research-based tools in a semi-struc­tured envi­ron­ment, that when applied by a gen­er­al­ly well-trained ther­a­pist, makes it easy for cou­ples to under­stand what, why and how “changes” might be accom­plished in their relationships.

I trained with Drs. John and Julie Gottman at the Uni­ver­si­ty of Wash­ing­ton in Seat­tle.  After sev­er­al years of study involv­ing over 100 hours of video­taped cou­ples ses­sions, seg­ments of which were reviewed by the Gottman Insti­tute, I became a Cer­ti­fied Gottman Ther­a­pist.  With addi­tion­al advanced train­ing, I became a Cer­ti­fied Gottman Cou­ples Work­shop Leader  of the two-day Gottman Cou­ples Work­shop:  The Art and Sci­ence of Love.   As a psy­chol­o­gist and rela­tion­ship coach, my style is com­pas­sion­ate, inter­ac­tive, and some­times with a bit of humor.

What services do I offer to couples?

A) Gottman Couple’s Private Marathon Session, 3 Hours

My ini­tial ses­sion with you is both a “work­ing” ses­sion and an assess­ment inter­view of the cou­ple and each part­ner, and a “work­ing” ses­sion where I pro­vide you a mini-work­shop.  It includes semi-struc­tured dia­logues and pro­vides imme­di­ate tools and skills to assist the cou­ple to begin to make move­ment on some issues.   At home, each part­ner will com­plete an exten­sive Rela­tion­ship Ques­tion­naire (for therapist’s eyes only) that will be blend­ed with obser­va­tion­al data from the ses­sion.  In the fol­low-up ses­sion, I pro­vide feed­back in a writ­ten “Cou­ples Pro­file” report.  We dis­cuss your respons­es to my obser­va­tions, set treat­ment goals and I iden­ti­fy which research-based inter­ven­tions will help you achieve these goals.  We become a team, the Cou­ple and the Ther­a­pist, work­ing togeth­er to estab­lish an open dia­logue on your deep­est con­cerns.  As your Rela­tion­ship Coach, I do not medi­ate an issue but rather I help you to com­mu­ni­cate and nego­ti­ate in a healthy ongo­ing way.

B) Gottman Couple’s Sessions, Ongoing, 90-Minutes

Ongo­ing ses­sions are 90-min­utes because my years of expe­ri­ence have shown me that the “50-minute hour” is not enough. When two dis­tressed peo­ple are in the room.  As your ther­a­pist, I draw from over 44 Gottman Method micro-skills and exer­cis­es to improve your rela­tion­ship inti­ma­cy and make progress on solv­ing some prob­lems. I strive to cre­ate a safe space for each part­ner share their sub­jec­tive real­i­ties. I guide you through the dif­fi­cult dis­cus­sions. There are also “home­work” assign­ments in between ses­sions, to prac­tice and make the new skills your own.
I work with cou­ples rep­re­sent­ing many types of cul­tur­al diver­si­ty. I work with any two peo­ple who want to resolve con­flict. Many clients have observed that the Gottman skills they have prac­ticed also helped them improve rela­tion­ships with fam­i­ly, friends, and cowork­ers.  Com­pas­sion and com­mu­ni­ca­tion heals many rela­tion­ship dilemmas.

C) Pre-Martial Counseling.

I encour­age cou­ples in the dat­ing stage to improve their rela­tion­ship skills as they invest time in one anoth­er. As a new cou­ple, you will learn ear­ly to dia­logue effec­tive­ly about dif­fer­ences in per­son­al­i­ty, val­ues, lifestyle choic­es and dai­ly behav­iors.  You’ll keep your rela­tion­ship strong and joy­ful. Got sex­u­al con­cerns?  As a trained sex ther­a­pist, I can help you talk with your part­ner about your desires and fan­tasies. My mot­to is:
“The cou­ple that plays togeth­er stays together.”

What if your part­ner won’t come to coun­sel­ing?  Then, in indi­vid­ual ther­a­py, I can help you prac­tice ways to rene­go­ti­ate meta-agree­ments with your part­ner in order to get more of your needs met in the rela­tion­ship.  If you are ambiva­lent about stay­ing in the rela­tion­ship, I assist you in a semi-struc­tured way to clar­i­fy your moti­va­tions for ask­ing, “…should I stay or should I go…”

Don’t Wait Until It Hurts Too Much. Most cou­ples (mar­ried or just long-term part­ners) wait an aver­age of six years before seek­ing help for rela­tion­ship prob­lems, accord­ing to research by Dr. John Gottman. By the time these cou­ples seek coun­sel­ing, they are usu­al­ly stuck in pain, anger, and dis­trust.   One or both part­ners may feel despair, hope­less, or may be cop­ing with dys­func­tion­al behav­iors like alco­hol abuse, drugs, sex­u­al pow­er strug­gles or sex­u­al act­ing-out (…infi­deli­ty).

To repair the dam­age to each partner’s self-esteem, self-respect and abil­i­ty to trust inti­ma­cy, it will take a lot more work than “…just a few ses­sions.”  If you want to invest in your rela­tion­ship, to make the repairs nec­es­sary to save and improve your rela­tion­ship, don’t wait.

Some­times ther­a­py just isn’t enough.  While I have helped sev­er­al hun­dred cou­ples to under­stand their core needs, improve their com­mu­ni­ca­tions skills, and solve some prob­lems, each part­ner in a rela­tion­ship must con­sid­er that some­times there are deal-break­ers in a rela­tion­ship.  In such cas­es, my goal is to facil­i­tate a respect­ful way for the cou­ple to end the rela­tion­ship, par­tic­u­lar­ly if a co-par­ent­ing rela­tion­ship will continue.